


Objects In The Rear View Mirror (Are Closer Than They Appear)

by silverraven



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-24
Updated: 2010-06-24
Packaged: 2017-10-10 06:12:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/96478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverraven/pseuds/silverraven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Rodney first met Captain John Sheppard, his world was turned upside down. Now, years later, John has breezed back into Rodney's life. The problem? He won't breeze back out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Infinite thanks to my beta [](http://kisahawklin.livejournal.com/profile)[**kisahawklin**](http://kisahawklin.livejournal.com/) for handholding, cheerleading, editing, and for sticking with me and this fic. All remaining mistakes are mine.

Rodney hadn't slept all night, choosing instead to look at his bedmate, trying to memorize his features. Short dark hair filled with cowlicks that refused to stay down (no matter how much their owner tried), each strand an irresistible call to Rodney's fingers. Ears that were slightly pointed at their tips, turning the most fantastic shade of red when embarrassed. Eyelids currently covering eyes that amazed Rodney, a different color each time he looked at them. Soft-looking pink lips that tasted even softer, perfect against Rodney's own. Strong jaw covered in rough stubble that had Rodney's skin tingling just a few short hours ago.

John was amazing, entering Rodney's life like a tsunami, unexpected, surprising and turned his world upside down, cleansed him, gave him a new outlook on his life. John was like... like winning the jackpot when he hadn't even been playing.

Twenty-three days before Rodney sat musing in the pre-dawn light, he had been in the library working on his third dissertation when something hit the back of his neck. A quick look around revealed nothing except a paper airplane lying on the ground. Honestly, what kind of moron threw paper airplanes in a library? Turned out John Sheppard was that kind of moron. Within two weeks, John had become the closest thing to a best friend Rodney'd ever had.

Rodney let out a soft sigh, wishing they had met earlier. Twenty-three days just wasn't enough. Heck, Rodney wasn't sure if twenty-three _years_ would be enough. John had told him from the beginning he was leaving, that if all went well he would be getting his Masters in a week and come June he was leaving for Afghanistan. Rodney hadn't known what John would come to mean to him then, had no idea they would become lovers.

It was only last week that John had kissed him. He came to Rodney's small apartment with a huge grin on his face; the Air Force was going to promote him to Major when he next reported for duty. "There's a lot of people in the Air Force who never thought I'd make it past Captain!" John took a step closer and pressed his mouth against Rodney's.

Rodney didn't know what to do. He'd never kissed a guy before, never _wanted_ to kiss a guy before, but John had really enticing lips... and Rodney didn't want to refuse John this. He parted his lips after a moment's hesitation, scared and thrilled as John groaned and pulled him closer.

It was different, being pressed against a hard, flat chest. A good different though, Rodney had decided, as he brought his hands to John's shoulder blades and slid his tongue into John's mouth. John drew Rodney even closer and Christ, that was...he had another guy's hard dick - John undulated up Rodney's body in an erotic wave and Rodney's brain went offline as his cock began to respond.

They had jacked each other off on Rodney's old couch and it had been the best sex of Rodney's life.

The next few days went by in a haze of hand jobs, frottage, blowjobs - until a couple of nights ago. John had been acting weird all night and when they were both in their boxers and getting ready for bed, Rodney had finally had enough. He wanted to know whatever (no doubt) bizarre idea was going on in that moronic head and move past it so they could get to more important things like oh, yes, the mind-blowing sex. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Rodney griped.

"Um..." John said, only to look down and moved his hand to scratch behind his neck. "I really want to fuck you," he finished, the tips of his ears turning red.

Rodney wasn't sure what to say. He'd known that was something gay guys did but hadn't thought about it before. The whole concept of having someone's fingers up his ass, of having someone's _dick_ up there didn't sound all that appealing. Besides, John was the gay one... right? Why didn't _he_ take it up the ass?

John seemed to take Rodney's hesitation as an invitation. Before he'd said anything, John pounced. He captured Rodney's mouth in a staggering, mind-numbing kiss. His hands went to Rodney's back, moved down steadily, and slipped under Rodney's underwear until he reached his goal. Then John squeezed.

Oh, _oh_...that was - were those soft needy noise actually coming from him? "John," Rodney gasped, tearing his mouth away, and forced air into his lungs so he could think properly again.

John rubbed his thigh against Rodney's swiftly firming cock. "You want me, Rodney, you want my cock."

Rodney shook his head, ready to deny -

"You do," John growled. "I can feel it." To prove his point, John fondled Rodney's erection.

"So what?!" Rodney yelped, body stiff with indignation. "My penis is a little confused. It thinks you want to grope, not fuck!"

John went back to his original plan of attack and plunged his tongue deep inside Rodney's mouth. He brought their bodies closer together so Rodney could feel his hard cock. "Let me." John's voice was low; the sound of it sent a shiver of arousal through Rodney.

Their faces were so close together that they shared the same breath. John's pupils were blown and Rodney fell into them as if they were a black hole and he had stumbled past the event horizon, the pull unstoppable.

"I'll make it good for you," John whispered into Rodney's ear, the vibration of each word caused Rodney to shudder. John latched onto Rodney's ear, sucked lightly on the lobe before moving up, right to the spot that always-

Why that conniving...John knew what that spot did to Rodney. Hell, he had probably counted on it, but Rodney didn't work up any real anger, not when his ear was being so expertly lavished and John's hands, which had returned to his ass, gave a luscious squeeze.

One of John's hands moved to Rodney's groin, fingers caressing Rodney's cock through the thin fabric. Rodney moaned, his eyes closing and forehead falling into the curve of John's shoulder.

"Let me make you fly." John gently took out Rodney's cock, his palm curling around it and slowly stroking it to full hardness. Rodney whimpered, his body becoming lax in John's arms.

"That's it, Rodney. I'll take care of you. Make you love it so much you'll want to be filled again and again."

Rodney opened his eyes. "I don't think-"

"Don't think, Rodney, just feel. It'll be so good having me inside you." Rodney wanted to refute but his foggy mind couldn't form words any longer, too entranced in the spell John had woven around him, in the hand so skillfully fondling his cock.

"I'll be so deep inside you, making you soar, making you fly."

Rodney pressed the side of his face against John's chest and heard John's rapidly beating heart. With each beat, Rodney's resolve progressively crumbled.

The hand that was still cupping Rodney's cheek moved inward. John's thumb pressed into the crack, Rodney's breathed hitched, but he made no move to stop John.

John lowered Rodney's boxers and then his own. His hands cupped Rodney's jaw, drawing Rodney's face toward him.

"It'll be so good, Rodney, so hot. My cock fucking your ass, your legs spread wide as I'm buried deep inside you."

_Holy fuck!_ Rodney's hips moved involuntarily, grinding against John's thigh as his cock surged. John's words - no one had ever...

A predatory smiled filled John's face. "You'll be begging me to fuck you, aching for it." John rotated his hips, rubbing their cocks against each other. Rodney whined low in his throat.

"You'll be quivering at the end of my cock, your hole stretching to take me in. Frantically impaling yourself on me again and again."

"Christ, John!" Rodney's cock throbbed, leaking profusely; he didn't know how much more he could take. "Stop talking. Fuck, show me!" Rodney ordered, losing patience and grabbing John. Annoyed that John wasn't moving faster, still talking when he could have been doing.

Rodney almost missed the 'cat who got the canary' smile on John's face, focused on leading them to his too small bed.

From the moment they had met, John had been tilting Rodney's world on its axis and he did it once again. Everything Rodney thought he knew about sex was apparently nothing at all. John had slowly ignited him, burning, marking, _branding_ himself onto Rodney.

Rodney got out of bed carefully so as not to disturb John and made his way to the bathroom, needing to shower and brush his teeth before making John breakfast.

Once in the small kitchen, hair still damp and wearing he's blue robe, Rodney started the coffee. He was reaching for the eggs when he saw the time, there was only fifteen minutes until John had to leave. It seemed like he had wasted too much gazing on John's sleeping form, but he didn't regret it. Rodney sighed; John couldn't leave without some kind of food. That man was way too skinny to be missing any meals. No time for an omelet but plenty of time for a turkey sandwich.

Rodney tucked the sandwich in a bag as he heard John enter the living room. He turned to look at John, and seeing John in his military clothes for the first time, he couldn't hide his shock. Rodney had never seen John's face look so blank, his eyes so unreadable. Apparently he was finally meeting Captain John Sheppard, USAF. Rodney realized then where John was going, what he was going to do, the very real possibility he may not come back.

It was all too much and Rodney had to turn away. "I, uh - there was no time, so I made you a turkey sandwich."

"Thanks. Look, Rodney, I um -"

"And some coffee," Rodney interrupted. He didn't want to hear it. He couldn't handle the 'it's been nice and all' talk. "I just need to..." Crap, he only had one clean travel mug and it was his favorite. It was green with the logo for the Canadian Space Agency on it. Rodney grabbed it, poured the coffee, and added just a bit of cream.

"I thought that was your favorite," John said but Rodney only shrugged. He could always get another one.

"Here you go," Rodney said as he handed the sandwich and coffee to John.

"Rodney, I... thanks," John replied as Rodney finally looked him in the eye.

So many things Rodney wanted to say. Don't go. Stay with me. I lo- care about you. Instead he said, "Promise me you'll be careful?"

"Sure," John answered, not quite meeting Rodney's eyes. "So long, Rodney," he added, turning and making his way out the door.

Rodney couldn't help walking to the window; John's car was parked right outside. After a couple of minutes, he began to worry. It was only two flights of stairs. When Rodney turned from the window, John surprised him for the second time that morning. He stood in the open doorway, fidgeting, shifting, looking like there was a battle raging inside him. It stopped suddenly, without warning, and John crossed the room, raised his hands to Rodney's face, and kissed him.

The kiss was unlike anything Rodney had ever experienced before; he felt John's anguish as if it was a living, breathing thing. Rodney couldn't help responding to it, his arms hooked around John's neck, bringing them closer as he tried to put his whole being into the kiss.

John reacted by lowering his hands and circling Rodney's back. He pulled, bringing them chest to chest and kept on pressing, like he wouldn't be satisfied until he somehow absorbed Rodney into him.

Rodney's lips and tongue feasted on John's mouth, not wanting this to end, dreading the moment when it would.

When John finally broke away, Rodney let him go, reminding himself that they'd made no promises. Rodney dropped his hands, but John didn't. He seemed uneasy, apprehensive. John took a long deep breath and clinched his fingers tighter around Rodney, as if he wasn't ready to let him go.

Rodney didn't want him to.

"Would you maybe...that is, could you..." Rodney didn't know how to make the request, not sure if he even had the right. But he could offer himself - he'd do it anyway, even if John couldn't promise. "I'll wait. For you, I mean."

John's eyes widened slightly as he quietly gasped. "Yeah?" he asked; voice and face a mixture of disbelief and amazement.

"Yes," Rodney promised easily.

~ ~ ~ ~

It was only a couple of weeks before graduation when the Air Force called offering Rodney a civilian contractor position. They didn't tell him much, insisting he had to sign a confidentiality agreement first. Rodney was hesitant until he realized that if he worked for the Air Force maybe he could learn where John was. Maybe some day they could be assigned to the same base, work together. Just the possibility was enough to make Rodney sign.

They assigned him to Area 51 and Rodney's world exploded. Wormholes... aliens... spaceships... technology that Rodney's only dreamed of. And best of all, the Stargate, a device that created artificial wormholes that the U.S Military has been using for years to travel between other planets! Just thinking about it practically gave him a hard-on.

Not that he had seen it, nope, they had stuck him in a lab to study the mechanics and physics of how it worked.

He spent nearly all his time in the lab, so many things to learn, experiments to run. The only bad part (besides the sheer number of scientists that seemed to have gotten their degrees from a Cracker Jack box) was he couldn't tell John.

"Hi, Rodney," Sam greeted warmly as she entered Rodney's lab.

He had met Captain Samantha Carter shortly after arriving, her lab located right across from Rodney's. She was their expert on materials engineering and they had been forced to work together quite a bit. Rodney wasn't sure of her at first - she was a solider and only had one PhD - but she soon proved that she could keep up with him. She was smart. Not as smart as him, but maybe as smart as his sister. He and Carter had published what they could, gone to a couple of conferences together and to his great surprise had formed a solid friendship.

Her gaze focused on the nearly blank sheet of paper in front of Rodney, the pen that was tapping restlessly in Rodney's right hand. "What you working on?" she inquired, leaning across the desk, trying to peek at what Rodney was writing.

"Nothing," Rodney sighed, crumbling the paper and tossing it into his trash. It bounced against the mountain of crinkled papers already there and landed on the floor.

"I thought you preferred solving equations on a white board?"

"I wasn't doing math. I was..." Rodney starred hopelessly at the pile of discarded drafts, his shoulders slumping, "writing a letter."

He'd spent the last hour trying to write a letter to John, not understanding why it was so difficult. The seven months between John leaving and graduation, he and John exchanged several letters. Rodney's were always pages long filled with his endless ramblings of idiot students and professors. John's never said much, some were just a sentence or two but Rodney was always thrilled when he saw one in his mail.

Now, he didn't know what to write anymore, his letters over the past several months had fallen off, each less than a page long, consisting of only the most trivial things and he hadn't written John since he received John's last correspondence over three weeks ago.

"A letter?" Carter asked surprised.

"Yes. A letter," Rodney stated slowly as if he was speaking to a child, "It's a form of communication, generally a written message from one person to another."

Sam rolled her eyes but one side of her mouth curved upwards. "I do know what a letter is, Rodney."

"Look, is there a reason you come here? Besides annoying me, that is."

Sam laughed. "Yes, actually. The Air Force Academy asked me to give a speech to the recruits." The humor left her face. "I'm so nervous. I haven't been there in over seven years! And, well...it would help seeing a familiar face in the crowd."

Rodney was flattered that Sam was asking him and agreed. The only problem was his cat. He had gotten Vera shortly after John left. Those first nights had been tough and having Vera to curl up with had helped. The problem was that the cat had quickly learned that when the suitcase was brought out Rodney was leaving. She always seemed to get that 'how could you' look and took out her aggression on Rodney's things. It was no surprise when the night before Rodney was leaving he came home to find his answering machine broken. Vera had chewed up the wiring and clawed the machine to death. Rodney wasn't worried; he never had any messages anyway.

~ ~ ~ ~

Three days into the trip, one thing was crystal clear: the Air Force _loved_ Captain Carter. Her professors were thrilled to see her, her colleagues commented on her brilliance, and even the cadets liked her. Rodney was bored, sick of her accolades and bright smile. He was glad Sam was finally going to give her speech so they could leave in the morning.

She did a great job, Rodney was totally engrossed. Afterwards, Sam mentioned a sports bar next to campus that served great burgers and beer, and Rodney told her to lead the way, his stomach rumbling in anticipation.

When they were nearly done eating, Rodney glanced briefly at the far corner of the bar and felt his heart rate quicken. There was a man sitting at the bar, his back to Rodney, but Rodney would recognize that profile anywhere.

"You okay, Rodney? You look like you've seen a ghost," Sam asked her face filling with concern.

"I think I have," Rodney answered still looking at the man. He watched as a pretty redhead approached and sat down next to him.

Sam followed Rodney's line of sight to the man at the bar. "Oh, Major Sheppard." She turned back to Rodney. "Do you know him?"

John was now whispering in the redhead's ear and Rodney forced himself to look at Sam and answer. "Yeah, before he left. I... I didn't know he was back."

"He only got back a couple of days ago. I'm surprised you didn't hear - he's all the talk on campus."

"What! Why?"

"He might be going to Leavenworth, Rodney. He disobeyed a direct order."

Rodney was having trouble processing all this information. John was back and didn't tell him. John was in trouble. He looked over to the corner again. God, the redhead was all over him! And John wasn't stopping her; in fact he just pulled her closer. Oh - John didn't tell him he was back because he didn't want him anymore. Rodney felt as though every cell in his body flash-froze, solidifying into unbreakable ice. Over a year he had been waiting for John to return, looking forward it, making plans and it was all gone now, ruined.

Watching the new couple kiss destroyed Rodney. He had been such a fool. Of course John wouldn't still want him. He had been lucky that John had ever wanted him. It was stupid of him to think that after all this time apart, John would still have feelings for him.

Sam, noticing Rodney's discomfort, grabbed his hand. "Rodney, what's wrong?"

"I... I... can we please just go? Back to the hotel." Rodney pleaded softly.

"Oh - yes. Yes, of course." Sam paid the bill and drove them back to the hotel in silence, glancing furtively at Rodney every few blocks, but leaving him to brood in silence.

~ ~ ~ ~

Almost a year later, the SGC had requested Rodney and Sam's help when a member of SG-1 seemed to be trapped in the Stargate. For forty-eight hours he and Sam had work tirelessly trying to bring Teal'c back. Rodney hadn't believed it was possible, but at the last moment, Sam managed to save him.

General Hammond had commended her, promoted her to major, and asked her to join SG-1. As for Rodney, he was given a one way ticket to Siberia. Well, no way was he going, they couldn't just exile him! Besides, he had been thinking of quitting for a couple of months. This place, the Air Force, the soldiers all reminded him of John.

John. Rodney couldn't get the man out if his mind. His dreams were filled with John and that redhead, or some blond, some brunette, someone that wasn't _him_. Rodney knew he should move on, but couldn't help keeping track of what John was doing. He knew the Air Force kicked him out in October and he started working at his dad's company in January, but the sucker punch was the July announcement of the upcoming nuptials of John and someone named Nancy Thornton.

Rodney saw a picture of them in a newspaper a few months back, there was no denying how good they looked together. Ridiculously attractive, John's hand resting comfortably at her waist, back ramrod straight. Rodney ripped the picture up, viciously tearing the black and white photo, but it only gave him a moment's satisfaction.

Had John really fallen in love with this woman? Did the time they spent together mean so little to him? Recalling their last kiss, the torment that was practically pouring from John, Rodney didn't think so. Yet, it would seem so, all evidence pointing to the fact that he had forgotten all about Rodney. Christ, none of this made any sense! Rodney wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all, wanted to yell at John for making him care so damn much, but most of all, Rodney wanted to hurt John

Just like John had hurt him.

John had moved on with his life and now he needed to as well. It was time to let John go and the only way to do that was to start his life again.

Rodney handed in his resignation the next morning and accepted a teaching position at the University of British Columbia.

What a colossal mistake that had been.

His first year back in academia hadn't gone particularly well. He was convinced his students were nothing more than trained chimps because no way could human beings be this stupid. No matter how much he tried to shove the most basic physics principles into their heads, the vast majority only got Cs on his tests. Not that his colleagues were any better. All this time he thought the scientists at Area 51 were idiots. Ha, compared to these numbskulls, they were almost competent... almost.

Rodney slammed his laptop shut and looked around his small office in disgust, the sound of raindrops drumming against the window adding to his misery. He abruptly stood and stormed out, stomping to his car and making his way to Jeannie's apartment.

You would think after ten months he would have at least convinced his sister to dump that boyfriend of hers, but no, last month she announced she was pregnant and marrying Kaleb. Rodney and Jeannie had been doing nothing but fighting since. Rodney couldn't believe she had gotten knocked up by some English major, and now she wanted to quit school and marry the guy.

"You're smarter than this, Jeannie. Think of everything you could accomplish! Don't throw away your life, your future," Rodney pleaded with his sister.

"How can you say that, Mer? This is what I want."

"You don't know what you want, that idiot has you all confused."

Jeannie sighed. "I'm not confused. Kaleb loves me and I love him."

"So what?" Rodney huffed out. "Love's not this all powerful thing that some people make it out to be. And it certainly isn't worth giving up all your potential. You're not going to live happily ever after in some fairy tale castle."

"So you're an expert on love, now? You've never even been-"

"You don't know that."

Jeannie studied him intently. "Rodney has... has someone hurt you?" she asked carefully.

"What! Of course not," Rodney barked out quickly.

"Well, that person was an idiot. You know Katie really likes you."

Rodney was confused. "Katie - Katie Brown?"

Jeannie nodded.

Rodney thought about it for a few beats then, "She's not my type."

"Not your type?" Jeannie asked in disbelief. "She's pretty, smart, _breathing_, and actually likes you for some reason."

Rodney narrowed his eyes. "Yes, ha ha," he said sarcastically. "Besides we're not talking about me, we were talking about you. A baby will ruin your life."

Jeannie throw her hands up in frustration. "It won't. This is what I want."

What she wants. What she wants! That's all that'd come out of Jeannie's mouth this past month. She was making a mistake, why couldn't she see that? Hearing her say it again set Rodney off. He lost whatever restraint he had and snapped. "Fine! But when he leaves you and your alone with a kid, broke and jobless, don't come crying to me."

Jeannie gasped. "Get out. Get out! I can't look at you right now."

Rodney swallowed thickly and stomped out.

Coming to Vancouver had been a mistake. Thinking he could be a professor was a mistake, but it wasn't like he had a lot of choice. Not too many companies wanted to hire someone with a two year blank on their resume. The only person who had approached him was Elizabeth Weir, after he'd met her back at Area 51. She was starting a consulting firm in Chicago and thought Rodney would make a great addition as the head of the engineering department. The only negative was that the money wasn't all that great, not to mention he would have to move again and leave Jeannie.

Once safely in his car, he pulled out his cell, stared at it a long moment, hesitating. He couldn't just stand by and watch Jeannie ruin her life.

Mind made up, he called Dr. Weir.

~ ~ ~ ~

Rodney stared uninspired at the small one story office building in front of him. He double checked that the numbers painted on the front door were indeed where he needed to be and scowl deepening, made his way in.

The inside was marginally better. A sparse reception area with a simple desk and a few chairs lining the wall.

The young man seated behind the desk asked politely, "Can I help you?"

"Yes. I'm-"

"Rodney, it's good to see you again," Dr. Weir interrupted with an outstretched hand and warm smile. Rodney shook the proffered hand. "Welcome to Catalyst Consulting. Oh, this is Chuck, our office manager." Office manager? Is that what they were calling receptionists these days? "He'll be working here part time."

"I'm going to school. Mechanical technician."

Was that supposed to impress him? "How nice for you," Rodney said less than genuinely.

Dr. Weir barked out a quick laugh and said in good humor, "I see you haven't changed at all."

"Why would I change?" he asked, confused.

A loud moving truck pulled up. "Ah, that must be the rest of the furniture," Dr. Weir presumed. "Chuck why don't you go see and I'll show Dr. McKay around."

Nodding, Chuck replied, "Sure."

The tour didn't take long; Rodney was pleased to see both the kitchen and bathroom where impeccably clean and beamed when he saw a large, top of the line coffee maker resting on a countertop.

Dr. Weir led him to a room with two opposing desks. "This is Dr. Carson Beckett," she introduced the man that had stopped unpacking a cardboard box at their arrival. "He's in charge of our medical technologies department. It's only him and Marie at the moment." There was no one else in the room, but Rodney assumed that this Marie would the other occupant. "Carson, this is Dr. Rodney McKay."

"Hello," Beckett said with kind blue eyes and a thick Scottish accent.

"Hi," Rodney returned.

Next up was the largest room, with three desks bordering the walls. "And this will be your space, Rodney. Go ahead and take whichever desk you prefer."

"Only two minions?"

Elizabeth's mouth quirked. "You'll like them. Drs. Zelenka and Simpson are two of the best engineers out there. "

Rodney shrugged. Only time will tell.

He followed her into the last area of the tour, an undersized single office. "Please, have a seat."

Once they were both settled, Dr. Weir began, "I want to tell you again how pleased I am that you took this job. I know it doesn't look like much now, but I have high hopes for Catalyst Consulting. Eventually, I would like to take on more staff and move to a bigger space. It'll be my responsible to acquire clients so your and Carson's department can focus solely on designing the various products."

"What kind of products are we talking about, Dr. Weir?"

"Please call me Elizabeth," she invited and pushed several thick folders across her desk towards Rodney. "Our first contract is with the US government, the newly elected President and I are old friends and well go ahead and open one of those folders," she added with a sparkle in her eyes.

Curiosity piqued, Rodney grabbed the top folder and lifted the manila colored covering. "This, this is from Area 51," he said not understanding.

Elizabeth's smile grew. "Yes. We're contracted to put the government's top secret tech into everyday use."

One corner of Rodney's mouth curved up. This might not be so bad after all.

~ ~ ~ ~

Elizabeth was a damn good boss and as the months passed, Catalyst Consulting grew and grew. She eventually hired more stuff, Fisher and Kavanagh. Thank god the latter didn't last long. Rodney still shuddered when he thought of that quack. And now it was back to him, Zelanka, and Simpson. Just the way it should be, Rodney thought. They were both good engineers, had earned his professional respect - not that Rodney would ever tell them that.

Then there was Carson, otherwise known as the pain in Rodney's ass. Carson could never leave well enough alone, always fluttering around Rodney, insisting that Rodney take better care of himself, work less, go out more. The man was a mothering hen, and somehow, much to Rodney's annoyance, the Scottish doctor had become the closest thing Rodney had to a friend since John.

John. He had also been a bit of a mother hen, no where near the level of Carson, but John took care of the people who mattered to him. That was probably where the similarities ended though, the two men were vastly different from each other. Carson would have never figured out the Batman game, for one - Rodney smirked as the memory flashed through his mind.

He had nearly burned down his kitchen trying to make John dinner, cursing up a storm and John only laughing and ordering takeout.

"How about we watch some TV until the food comes?" John asked, remote in hand. He dragged Rodney to seat beside him on the cough and turned on the TV.

Rodney watched the screen as John lazily flipped through channels. He didn't say anything until John come across a repeat of the old 1960's **Batman** series. "Hey, this was my favorite show as a kid."

"Me too!"

Rodney turned his head toward John, trying to see if he was being mocked, but John was staring on the screen, corner of his mouth going up when a fight scene broke out. Rodney turned his attention back to the TV.

They watched until the episode ended (only ten minutes later) and John maneuvered his arm until it lay across Rodney's shoulders. They had only been doing...whatever they were doing for a couple of days and Rodney still felt awkward and the fact that he was now bored added to Rodney's unease. Until an idea struck, if John really did like the show.

"Frank Gorshin?" Rodney asked, turning towards John. When all he saw was a blank look, Rodney grinned, he was about to explain when -

"The Riddler," John said with a smug grin, fingers curling around Rodney's shoulder.

Rodney huffed, "It was an easy one anyway," but was secretly pleased that John had gotten the game without Rodney having to explain. "David Wayne?"

"Mad Hatter." John answered faster this time, grin growing as he turned off the TV.

Hmm, clearly he was being too easy. "Maurice Evans?"

"Colonel Gumm."

Ha! "No, Roger Carmel was Colonel Gumm; Maurice Evans was The Puzzler." Now it was Rodney who was grinning.

They continued like that until the food arrived. They then set their dinners on the small table and talked about their favorite superheroes and argued over who the best Doctor Who was. It was nice, even with that horrid braying laugh of John's that _wasn't at all_ cute.

John looked relaxed, leaning against the chair, smiling easily. Rodney couldn't seem to take his eyes off him. He noticed when John got a little barbecue sauce on the side of his mouth. Rodney wanted nothing more than to lick it away and with a sudden clarity, he realized he could.

They had never finished dinner.

Huh, Rodney thought as the memory faded away, it had been a long time since he last thought of John. Rodney had stopped following John's life shortly after he had married.

Maybe it was time he took up Simpson on her offer to set him up with her sister.

~ ~ ~ ~

Rodney could feel the daggers that Simpson's eyes were shooting him without having to look at her. She had barely said a word to him all morning, and what she did say wasn't civil in the least. The woman was a menace, with a nut-job for a sister.

He heard some shuffling noises and lifted his head from his computer to see her stand up and began walking out of their office.

"Where are you going?"

Simpson stopped, turning angry eyes to Rodney. "Jeez, McKay, I'm going to the bathroom. Am I now required to get your permission when I need to piss?" She didn't wait for Rodney to answer, stepping closer to his desk and continued on, "And then after that I'm going to get a cup of coffee, if that's all right with you, _Doctor_?" He voice was dripping with so much false sincerely it made Rodney's stomach churn.

He plastered his own fake smile. "Of course. Now be a good little girl and get me a cup of coffee too."

Her eyes narrowed. "Get it your own goddamn self."

"Enough!"

Both Rodney and Simpson jerked at Zelanka's outburst and turned to look at him. Zelanka moved until he was standing by Rodney's desk, between him and Simpson. "I don't know what happened with you two, but it has to stop. You have both been acting like six-year-olds today. Fix this."

Rodney and Simpson eyed each other.

"When he apologizes," Simpson said.

"For what?" Rodney stood up and maneuvered around his desk. "If anyone should apologize it's you for not warning me that your sister was bat-shit insane."

Simpson gasped. "Karen is not insane!"

"She broke out in hysterics in the middle of the restaurant, I couldn't get her to stop screaming -"

"You set her dress on fire!" Simpson yelled, advancing until she was about a foot away from Rodney.

"I did not," Rodney said, crossing his arms. "I, um, may have knocked the candle over and the flame may have singed her dress... a little. And if anyone is to blame, it's the restaurant. Who the hell puts candles on that small a table? Barely any room for the drinks and plates. It has to be a fire code violation -"

"Which you then demanded to see the manager," Simpson interrupted again, words coming out like venom, "and wouldn't leave until you did, although Karen was upset and just wanted to leave. She had a hole in her dress for God's sake!" Simpson threw her hands up in a frustrated gesture.

Rodney didn't know when it happened, but he and Simpson were standing very close together, only inches apart. He could practically feel the anger coming off of her.

"Not like I could see anything." Sadly. Karen might be crazy but she had a great rack. "She was wearing a bra and I was very quick to put out the flame." Yup, he throw his glass of water on Karen's chest immediately.

"And that's supposed to make it better that you set her breasts on fire?!"

"Goddamnit, I told you, I didn't set fire to anything! I singed her dress, _singed_."

The stood like that, eyeing each other furiously, as the seconds ticked by. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Then Zelanka burst out laughing.

They both turned to glare at Radek, and after a moment turned to look at each other again.

The sound of their laughter echoed down the hallway.

What followed after that day was a was a long series of disastrous first dates. It wasn't Rodney's fault that they all ended with his date either in tears or storming off in a fit a rage. They clearly would have never appreciated his genius.

He was telling Carson about his latest grisly experience over lunch. "Honestly, Carson, my three year old niece is probably smarter than that woman was!"

"Niece?" The clacking sound of Carson's folk dropping into his salad plate and the speed in which his eyebrows shot up was almost comical. "You never told me you had a niece."

"Yes, well, that would be because I've never met her," Rodney spoke between taking bites of his ham and cheese sandwich.

Carson scowled. "And why not?"

"Because I haven't seen my sister Jeannie since she was pregnant. We're not that close."

"Oh, and whose fault might that be?"

"It's not my fault she threw her life away." Carson frowned disapprovingly and Rodney glared back. "Stop looking at me that like! Jeannie's smart, we were working on some really interesting grants when she got herself knocked up. By an English major no less! She chose being Suzy Homemaker over-"

"She chose having a family over science, Rodney. It's hardly a sin."

"Well it is to me," Rodney mumbled, his sandwich no longer looking all that appealing.

"I don't understand..." Carson said softly, shaking his head lightly. "You really haven't spoken to her in over three years?"

Rodney nodded, no longer able to meet Carson's eyes.

"If I hadn't seen my brothers or sisters..." Carson's eyes widened, "Or heaven forbid, my sweet mum-"

"Yes, yes. Your mother is a saint," Rodney interrupted, knowing as soon as Carson brought up his mom the waterworks were only minutes away.

Carson glowered. "All I'm saying is that family is important."

"I..." Rodney's shoulder's deflated. "I know that," he finished in a small voice.

"What if something happened, Rodney? Is this really how you want to leave things?"

Rodney had never thought about it in those terms before. "Of course not."

"Then go call her."

"What!? Like right now?"

"Aye," Carson said, grabbing his discarded fork and waving it at Rodney as he speared a piece of spinach. "Or better yet, go see her."

"Go see her... Are you crazy?! She'll slam the door in my face."

"I'm sure she won't. And, you have plenty of vacation time. Go," Carson instructed, maddeningly reasonable.

"And what I am supposed to say?" Rodney asked.

"I've found that hello works well."

Which was how, two weeks later, Rodney found himself standing in front of Jeannie's house, cursing Carson's name as he rang the doorbell.

Jeannie didn't slam the door in his face. She didn't even answer it. "Hi," Rodney said nervously to a surprised looking Kaleb.

"Can I help you?" he said after several moments, voice frigid and arms crossed.

Rodney stuffed his hands in his pants packets and asked while peeking into the house, "No, uh. Is Jeannie here?"

Kaleb eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"

"Just to see her. To talk-" he never finished. Jeannie had come up behind Kaleb and dropped the cup of milk she was carrying.

The sound of glass shattering filled the air; the two men flinched but Jeannie didn't move a muscle, frozen in shock.

"Why don't I go get something to clean that," Kaleb volunteered and left the two of them alone.

"Mer?" Her voice was as quiet as Rodney'd ever heard.

Rodney attempted to smile. "Yeah." His nose detected a sweet scent and took a larger whiff. "Is that...cookies?"

"Yes, I was baking some for later."

"Ooh lunch, that sounds great." He stepped into the house, following the path Kaleb took. He heard Jeannie sigh but she made no move to stop him.

Lunch was torturous, only partly due to the fact that it consisted of veggie burgers. Afterwards, Rodney couldn't leave fast enough. Yet, the next day, present for Madison in tow, Rodney came back.

The day after that, Rodney found himself attending Madison's first ballet recital. The kid was kind of cute.

During the parts that Madison wasn't dancing, Rodney glanced towards the couple sitting beside him. Jeannie and Kaleb were holding hands and Jeannie's head rested comfortably against Kaleb's shoulder.

When it was intermission, Kaleb went to speak with Madison's teacher and Rodney stared at his sister. "You look happy."

"I am," Jeannie smiled. "You look... good, actually. Less angry, not so sad anymore."

"I was never sad," Rodney spoke indignantly.

"Yes, you were. You can't hide anything, Mer."

Rodney thought about his days at Area 51 and snorted, "You'd be surprised."

Jeannie raised her eyebrows, curiosity in her eyes but when Rodney didn't continue, she shrugged. "I just...you look better now." She briefly squeezed Rodney's arm. "Content."

~ ~ ~ ~

While Catalyst Consulting's office building was comfortable for seven people, it was a down right minuscule for twelve. Everyone seemed to always be in everyone else's way. Cubicles were build in the reception area but that was only a temporarily fix, especially when Elizabeth was currently looking to hire two more employees.

"It's a good problem to have," Elizabeth said whenever Rodney went to complain to her about it. His genius needed space, not the constant noise and interruptions that came with having so many peons in a small space.

"I'm looking into renting a bigger building, Rodney," Elizabeth assured him, "but you know what the real estate market is like here. Catalyst is doing great but we're not quite there yet to afford the market prices."

"But-"

"Something will turn up, just have a little faith."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm an atheist, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth only smiled.

A smile that widened nine weeks later when she announced that they were moving. Half a mile south to a spacious seven story commercial building. Catalyst was getting the entire forth floor, ten individual offices bordering a roomy reception area and a large open area that could easily house a dozen cubicles.

Rodney could have hugged Elizabeth when she told him he was getting one of the large corner offices and the one that was most secluded.

It was later that night, after she invited him and Carson out to drinks and they ended up in a club, the three of them laughing over beers and what bad dancers they were, that he did hug her. And maybe Carson too.

~ ~ ~ ~

Catalyst Consulting was having its annual Christmas party and like all the six previous ones, Rodney hadn't wanted to come. He tried to tell Elizabeth he didn't see the point but she had assured him it was a good opportunity to get to know everyone better, have a little fun, and most importantly to get out of the office. It's not like he spent all his time in the office, Rodney made sure he was never there for more than 16 hours a day.

Rodney filled his plate and glanced around for someone whose company wouldn't make him want to commit hara-kiri. He saw Carson and Radek talking in a corner and made his way over to them.

"There y'are, Rodney," Carson said. "Have you heard the news?"

At Rodney's blank look, Radek replied, "Office gossip saying Dr. Weir is getting big contract."

"Aye, really big, Rodney," Carson said. "You know what this means?"

"Yeah." Catalyst Consulting was never a multimillion dollar company but they were doing great until the Wyatt Corporation opened two years ago. The materials they used were cheap, the quality of their work was inconsistent at best, but their cheaper prices had taken almost all of Catalyst's non-government clients. Also, by offering a greater salary, some of Dr. Weir's employees had left.

Rodney knew these past few months had been tough ones for Elizabeth, and going by the look Carson gave him, that may be over soon.

"Now mind ye, nothing is for sure yet. But I hear Elizabeth is close to closing the deal," Carson added.

"Do you know what company?" Rodney asked.

"No," Radek answered. "Only that company is real big, worth lots of money."

"Well in that case maybe I should stay here, make sure it-"

"Oh no, Rodney. You're not getting out of seeing Jeannie. We will see you back in two weeks." Carson replied much to Rodney's displeasure. Since that first trip to the Miller's, Carson thought it was his personal mission to make sure Rodney took a vacation each Christmas to go visit them.

"But -"

"You're going!"

~ ~ ~ ~

Rodney unlocked the door to his condo, never happier to be home again. Not only did he have to endure Kaleb's vile tofurkey but the flight back had been horrifying. He'd been seated next to a pre-pubescent _thing_ \- a little brat of a child that would not shut up, her parents nowhere to be found.

Rodney dropped his suitcase at the door, muttering about the pitfalls of American youth as he pressed the play button on his answering machine.

"Hi, Rodney." Elizabeth's voice filled the room. "I wanted to let you know that we have a new client, AeroTech. We'll be meeting with a representative tomorrow morning. Nine o'clock _sharp_, Rodney."

Rodney half-heard the end of the message, his body freezing, pulse quickening at the mention of the client's name.

AeroTech...

John's company.

Rodney swallowed hard against the lump in his throat.

Ten months ago, Rodney'd stumbled upon an article in **Air &amp; Space Magazine** highlighting the rise of AeroTech. When he saw the words John Sheppard in large print, he had been unable to put the magazine away. His eyes had read frantically, body becoming restless until he knew all about his John's company. No that wasn't right, not his, John was never his.

_Sheppard_ had started AeroTech five years ago. Now it was the second largest aeronautics firm in the U.S., with thousands of employees and worth billions. The company specialized in aircrafts, weapon systems, and space systems. The kind of research they did was enough to have Rodney's mouth watering.

A small part of Rodney couldn't help being excited at the possibility of what he could be working on.

Rodney slept dreadfully that night, tossing and turning, mind incapable of rest. It was night's like those that he missed being able to cuddle with his cat. Vera had died four months ago from leukemia.

First thing in the morning, Rodney called Elizabeth.

_"Good morning, Rodney."_

Rodney rolled his eyes.

"What the hell were you thinking," he screeched. "John Sheppard. John Sheppard! That man is nothing but trouble, he's -"

_"Rodney!"_ Elizabeth exclaimed, interrupting him.

_"No, please, let him continue. I'm a what?"_

Oh god! It couldn't be? "Is that..."

_"Mr. Sheppard. I had you on speaker phone."_ Elizabeth's tone wasn't happy. _"I expect to see you here very shortly, and Rodney? Practice your apology along the way."_

By the time Rodney entered Elizabeth's office, he only took two steps before feeling the ground fall out from under him. Time seemed to slow, the pounding of his heart sounded thunderous to his own ears. Each breath labored, a struggle to find it's way into Rodney's lungs.

He was vaguely aware of Elizabeth and Radek talking to each other, their voices strangely muffled. His whole being was concentrated on the man standing only fifteen feet away. The man who had noticed the exact second that Rodney came in. The man who was currently looking _right_ at him.

Nearly ten years since the last time he'd seen John Sheppard and the man looked...remarkably the same. Very nearly was the same except for a few grey hairs and some more crinkles around the eyes. He was wearing a black suit that was tailored to his body perfectly and Rodney couldn't take his eyes off him.

He saw that John - no, Sheppard, he was Sheppard now - was studying him. Rodney felt himself flushing under Sheppard glaze, he knew he had filled out over the years. He'd put on a suit this morning too, dark grey, although it didn't fit as well as Sheppard's did. His was a bit tight along the shoulders. He paired it with a blue shirt that Jeannie had given him this past Christmas, telling him it brought out his eyes.

Rodney wondered what Sheppard was thinking. Which was stupid, why the hell should he care what Sheppard thought of him?

"Oh good, you're finally here," Elizabeth's voice pulled Rodney back into the present. She stared intensely at Rodney, then looked over to John, before returning to Rodney and raising her eyebrow.

Yes, right, the apology. Rodney opened his mouth, "I won't work with that man." Sorry, his ass! He had nothing to apologize for.

Elizabeth gasped before dragging Rodney out of the room.

Once she closed the door behind her Rodney crossed his arms and repeated, "I won't work with him."

"Rodney," Elizabeth started.

"No, I can't. Don't ask me to."

Elizabeth sighed. "It's obvious you two have a history and I won't ask. But, Rodney, this is a great opportunity, we can't mess it up. You're my best engineer, I need you on this."

Rodney was torn, he understood what this job could mean for the future of Catalyst Consulting. He didn't want to let Elizabeth down, she has always been good to him, but he'd only seen Sheppard for brief moment and he was already feeling rattled.

"You won't be working with him, Rodney. I highly doubt Mr. Sheppard has the time to oversee this project himself. He's just here today to meet our staff and describe the job."

Rodney wavered. Elizabeth had a point. Chances were that once he was back in Seattle, Sheppard would assign an upper-management minion to the task. Yes, of course, how foolish of him to think otherwise.

Rodney gave Elizabeth a full out grin. "I'll do it."

This would work out fine, it was only one day. Besides what happened earlier wouldn't happen again. Sheppard had caught him unaware. Rodney firmed his shoulders before walking back into Elizabeth's office. He could survive a few hours with Sheppard, how bad could it be anyway?

Bad didn't even begin to describe how utterly horrible it was. John had gone around meeting each person, smiling his 'aww shucks' charming smile to everyone except Rodney (not that he cared or anything). In a few short hours, Rodney's entire staff were acting like twelve-year-old girls with crushes. It was ridiculous and highly disturbing. They were all convinced he was the best thing since chocolate-flavored coffee.

It was nearly lunch time when Rodney had finally learned what the project would entail. He, along with Elizabeth, Sheppard, and a few members of his staff sat around the conference table. Sheppard wanted their help in designing a fighter jet, but not just any old jet, he wanted one with the ability to cloak.

The man was clearly _out of his mind_ and Rodney wasted no time in telling him so. "That's insane. Not to mention that fact that, oh yes, it's completely impossible!"

Sheppard didn't flinch, not like everyone else at the table. No, he sat forward and raised an eyebrow. "Now, Rodney weren't you always telling me impossible is the excuse idiot people use for not doing something?" Well, crap - didn't Sheppard know he wasn't supposed to bring up the old days? Rodney didn't want to know that Sheppard remembered, not when he didn't want to remember himself. "So what you're really saying," Sheppard continued, "is that you can't do it."

Rodney narrowed his eyes. The sonofabitch was playing him. "Please," Rodney huffed, "I'm the only person who has even the most remote chance of pulling this off."

"Great," John said, standing up as if the matter had been settled. "You have three months."

"What?! I didn't agree..." Rodney trailed off; everyone was getting up, leaving. "Wait," he said half-heartily but no one did. Rodney sighed before retiring to his office.

~ ~ ~ ~

Six weeks after Sheppard breezed back into Rodney's life, he still hadn't breezed out again, sauntering unwelcomly in every Friday. Rodney exhaled a deep breath in frustration, recalling that first Friday.

His fingers had been tapping impatiently against his thigh as he waited for the elevator. His teeth were still chattering from the cold Chicago winter morning when the doors slid open and Rodney walked in not noticing the presence behind him until he turned around. "What are you doing here?"

"Good morning to you too, Rodney." Sheppard responded, not unpleasantly, pressing the button with the four printed on it and no, just no. He was never supposed to see Sheppard again; it hadn't even been a week for Christ's sake! "Don't look so shocked. You should have expected me to come checking in from time to time."

"Yes - no... I, uh... you." Damn it, he sounded like a twit! Rodney smacked his lips together and tried again, "It's only been a few days Sheppard, I've hardly had the time to look over your fighter jet configuration, let alone get started on the cloak."

"You know, Rodney, this is hardly the best way to treat your new client." The elevator opened. "Lucky for you, I won't hold it against you." Sheppard strolled out, leaving Rodney sputtering.

Rodney spent the morning barricading himself in his office. He wasn't hiding, he simply had a lot of work to do, very important work. He looked up when he heard a knock and saw Dr. Weir enter.

"Hi, Rodney," she greeted, shutting the door behind her (not a good sign). "Mr. Sheppard has informed me he will be supervising the project himself." Rodney had figured as much. "He'll be here every Friday to see how things are coming along."

"I see," Rodney tried to speak as calmly as he could although his insides were screaming. "Do you know why?"

"I didn't ask him, but from what I gathered this venture is important to him. His company has been trying to build a working model for over two years with no luck." One corner of Rodney's mouth lifted - HA. "Look, Rodney, about what I told you earlier. I was wrong. I had no idea-"

"It's alright," although it really, really wasn't, "you had no way of knowing." Elizabeth looked at him with a question in her eyes and Rodney knew that if he said no this time, she wouldn't argue. Rodney was tempted but he was the only one here to have at least seen the Asgard cloaking device, was their best chance at getting the job done.

"I've proposed a weekly meeting at five o'clock with Mr. Sheppard to go over everyone's progress and make sure we're all on the same page. I would like for both you and Radek to attend."

"Of course."

Elizabeth smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you, Rodney."

"Oh. Well, yes. You can save the thanks until after I've achieved the impossible."

A few minutes before five, Rodney gathered the preliminary paperwork he'd been working on, squared his shoulders and made his way to the conference room. He tried to ignore Sheppard as best he could, outlining his basic idea more to Elizabeth than anyone else, but Sheppard had other plans. He asked question after question, some of which (much to Rodney's dismay) weren't completely stupid.

"Well, it's getting late, I think that's enough for one day," Elizabeth said, interrupting Rodney tirade on the sheer stupidity of Draheim's theory of using plasmons to cancel out the visible light and other radiation coming from an object and effectively cloak it. "Good job, everyone. I don't suppose anyone would care to join me for dinner?"

Rodney was about to say yes, his stomach growling, when Sheppard beat him to it, "Dinner sounds great." Rodney clamped his mouth shut, shooting Sheppard a glare that went right over his head, all his attention focused on Dr. Weir.

"I'm afraid I must pass, but perhaps another time," Radek said, closing his laptop and getting up.

Rodney couldn't resist, "Have to get home to feed the pigeons?" The death glare that Radek threw him before leaving only made Rodney widen his smile.

"What about you, Rodney?"

"Oh, um, sorry. I uh... have some work I need to finish up."

Elizabeth looked at him strangely but only said, "Alright. But don't stay too long." Rodney nodded at her and made his way out, ignoring Sheppard like he wasn't there.


	2. Objects In The Rear View Mirror (Are Closer Than They Appear)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Rodney first met Captain John Sheppard, his world was turned upside down. Now, years later, John has breezed back into Rodney's life. The problem? He won't breeze back out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Infinite thanks to my beta [](http://kisahawklin.livejournal.com/profile)[**kisahawklin**](http://kisahawklin.livejournal.com/) for handholding, cheerleading, editing, and for sticking with me and this fic. All remaining mistakes are mine.

In the following weeks, Sheppard's behavior befuddled Rodney. Sheppard and he were hardly ever alone together, Sheppard preferring to spend his time with Elizabeth and others on Rodney's staff. More than once Rodney caught Sheppard looking over Radek's shoulders but he never got anywhere near Rodney. That wasn't to say he ignored Rodney or never spoke with him, quite the opposite. Sheppard was perfectly professional with him, he wasn't rude or malicious. Their discussions never got personal, Sheppard's manners impeccable, his face devoid of any emotion. He only raised an eyebrow when Rodney berated his staff and when Rodney turned his tirade on Sheppard? Nothing. No come backs, no insults, no yelling back.

Last Friday, Rodney had been accepting his change from the cashier at the pizzeria across the street from work and turned towards the exit when a distinct long-forgotten laugh stopped him in his tracks. He turned his head in the direction the noise came from and sure enough, there was Sheppard laughing his ass off with both Simpson and Dumais sitting across from him and... Carson seated beside him?!

Without thought, Rodney stomped to their table and addressed the female scientists harshly, "Shouldn't you two be working?"

"It's called lunch, Rodney," Sheppard replied good-naturedly, lazily smiling at his companions.

"Lunch is an hour long, I believe these two are well over that now."

Sheppard opened his mouth. Here it comes, Rodney thought excitedly, Sheppard's going to tell him his being too harsh or call him a slave driver or or... "That's probably my fault. They were just finishing when I joined them - I didn't want to eat alone," he said coyly, grinning rakishly at the ladies.

The two women giggled. "We really should be going though," Simpson said, standing and Dumais followed. See you laters were exchanged all around and promises of future lunches (Rodney rolled his eyes, so very bored) and they finally left.

Rodney was about to leave himself when Carson glowered, "That wasn't very nice, Rodney."

"I'm not a nice man," he said and Carson made the face he always did when Rodney said that, like he knew something Rodney didn't.

"Well, don't just stand there, you daft bugger, seat down."

Rodney sat and then blinked in surprise at how quickly he followed Carson's command. He shrugged and dug into his pepperoni pizza.

"John here was just tell-" it was John now, was it? Rodney scowled. "...his own jet."

"Jet?" Rodney asked, realizing he had missed what Carson had said.

Sheppard nodded. "Pratt &amp; Whitney JT15 engine, 3190 pounds of thrust," he informed smugly, still smiling but the warmth in his eyes left when Rodney had sat down. "Fastest personal jet in the world."

Oh, he was talking about The AeroTech Maverick that was introduced two years ago. You would think he would be over the whole 'fastest personal tin can' aspect by now.

"I fly it here every Thursday night. Takes off like a dream..." Sheppard continued on about his plane but Rodney no longer paid attention, letting the words wash over him. Instead he focused on the man himself. Sheppard had an almost dream-like expression, his hands waving around in animation, the years seeming to disappear from his face. He looked exactly like he did when Rodney had asked him why he loved flying so very long ago.

Maybe some things don't change - Rodney stiffened, banishing the idea immediately.

Carson's ringing cell phone interrupted Sheppard's chatter. "Sorry, lads. I have to get back," Carson apologized after he answered the call.

"Sure. Talk to you later, doc," Sheppard said and Rodney waved a quick goodbye as Carson left.

An air of awkwardness settled over the two men remaining and after a long moment, Rodney asked, "Your wife doesn't mind you leaving her once a week?"

"I'm not married." Sheppard lifted his left hand and wiggled his ring finger as if to prove it.

There was no ring, Rodney hadn't bothered to look before. It was easier for him to think of Sheppard as married, unavailable. "I wasn't very good at it. Didn't make it two years before she..." Sheppard trailed off and took a small bite out of his cheese pizza. "So Dr. Z was telling me that you've made a lot of progress this week."

Rodney snapped, suddenly sick of it, sick of Sheppard. The way his face turned blank anytime Rodney was near. The way he easily made friends with those closest to Rodney. How he was always so polite with Rodney, like Rodney was a goddamn stranger. Rodney wanted some kind of reaction, some proof that he wasn't the only one feeling like he was slowly ripping apart at the seams.

He wanted something, anything was better then this forced civility. "She left you, huh? I can't say I'm surprised." Rodney turned callous eyes to Sheppard, wanting to savor this. "Only that it took her so long before she wised up."

Sheppard immediately stiffened, hurt blazing across his face. Rodney's triumph only lasted a moment, Sheppard's face shifted blank again rapidly. With an unruffled voice and terse smile, he said, "Enjoy the rest of your lunch, McKay," and walked away.

"Rodney?" Radek's voice jarred Rodney back into the present.

"What?" He looked up from his computer and watched Radek warily approach his desk, datapad in hand.

"I wish to speak with you about the McAllen account."

"Yes, what about it?" Rodney asked impatiently, agitated that Radek wasn't just getting to the point. He had completed the specs on an updated lightweight backpacker's stove that McAllen Sporting Goods had wanted and handed it off to Radek to add the finishing touches earlier that day.

Radek replied, "Your design, it will not work," and gave the datapad to Rodney.

Rodney looked down at the numbers and pinpointed the error right away. "Yes, I see. I'll correct it. You can go now."

Radek narrowed his eyes at Rodney's dismissal. "That is not all." His tone and posture were no longer hesitant. "The dimensions you wrote are wrong."

Rodney glanced at the screen again. Damn it! Radek was right. It was a rookie mistake and they both knew it.

"You have not been yourself lately."

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm perfectly fine," Rodney said. As an afterthought he added softly, "What makes you say that?"

"It has been over a month and you are not even close to designing a functional cloak. The old Rodney would be almost done by now."

"While I appreciate your faith in my abilities, even I can't work faster than is humanly possible."

"It is John Sheppard, no?"

"What! Why would you... I couldn't care less about John Sheppard," he said, his voice not as strong and sure as he would have liked.

"I do not think so. I see the way you look at him, when you think no one is looking."

"And how would that be?"

"With longing." Radek eyes met Rodney's with a challenge in them, daring Rodney to contradict him.

"I don't!" Radek was wrong - wrong, wrong, wrong! Rodney took a deep breath, getting control of himself and stated coolly, "I don't want Sheppard."

Radek shrugged, his light blue eyes softening. "I worry about you, my friend. I fear your affections are not returned." Rodney didn't refute Radek, Sheppard's feelings for him were abundantly clear - he felt nothing. "And I do not wish to see you hurt," Radek finished.

Rodney glanced away for a moment, reining in his thoughts. Then he met Radek's gaze dead on and spoke in a voice that left no room for doubt, "You have nothing to worry about, Radek. I never make the same mistake twice."

~ ~ ~ ~

Rodney made his way to the conference room, laptop tucked underneath one arm and coffee cup in the other. He met up with Sheppard a few feet from the doorway and they exchanged a clipped nod before entering.

Dr. Weir and Radek were already there, sitting side by side, deep in conversation. Not good. In all the previous meetings, Sheppard and Elizabeth sat on one side of the table and Rodney and Radek on the other.

Rodney watched as Sheppard took a chair opposite Elizabeth and for an instant thought of sitting next to Radek or a chair away from Sheppard but realizing that he was indeed an adult, parked himself next to Sheppard.

"Ah, good, everyone's here. Why don't we have Dr. Zelenka start this week."

Rodney listed to Radek's spiel for a few minutes before he unconsciously took a sideways glimpse at Sheppard. The man was casually slouching back; the only thing needed to complete the image was for Sheppard to put his feet up. Honestly, he had the most atrocious posture of anyone Rodney knew. He was frequently lounging about and would..._lean_ on things. There wasn't a wall or surface that Sheppard hadn't rested his damn lithe hips against, not that Rodney was keeping track or anything. They were stupid hips anyway, too bony for Rodney's liking.

Rodney refocused his concentration to Radek, straightening his back and taking a deep breath - only to realize too late what a big mistake that was. Sheppard's cologne hit his system out of nowhere, but it was what lay underneath it that tore at Rodney. Joh- Sheppard's! - own unique scent, a hint of woodiness that was so familiar to Rodney he couldn't help taking another whiff. The urge to get closer, to envelope himself in that smell was nearly overpowering.

"-dney?" Elizabeth's voice snapped Rodney back to attention.

"Wha... Yes?" Rodney answered, switching his gaze to her, unable to look at Radek's far too perceptive eyes.

"Are you feeling alright, Rodney?" Elizabeth inquired worriedly. "You looked a bit, uh... peaked."

"I'm fine. Now, I'm made some modifications to the design that I believe you'll like," Rodney said, opening his laptop and explaining his adjustments.

Once the meeting ended, Elizabeth and Sheppard left together while Rodney shut down his laptop. When the screen went black, Rodney headed out only to be stopped by Radek placing his hand on Rodney's shoulder.

Radek opened his mouth, but Rodney was faster, "I know what you're going to say so just don't, okay?"

"I was only going to ask if you would like to go see the new X-Men movie."

"Oh." Relief swept through Rodney, not wanting another lecture on his supposed affections for Sheppard. Any fondness he might have had for John Sheppard was dead and buried in the past. "Yeah, I would like that. Just let me finish up a few things and we can go."

"Sure." Radek took off in the direction of their offices. Rodney was about to follow when he considered that maybe Carson would like to go too. He made a quick about face and set off to find him.

He was walking past Dr. Weir's office when he heard her say, "Ready?" Rodney assumed she was speaking to him and peeked in, but she was talking to Sheppard.

"Yup. Anyplace in particular you want to go?" Sheppard asked while putting on his jacket.

"I was thinking Italian."

Sheppard zipped up and reached for Elizabeth's coat. "Never could say no to a good lasagna."

He held out the garment for Elizabeth to slip into.

"Thank you, John," Elizabeth said warmly, her eyes doting and Rodney's jaw dropped in disbelief.

"You know me, always happy to help." Sheppard smiled flirtatiously and Rodney's blood ran cold.

He barely remembered returning to his office, body moving automatically. He closed the door, propping himself against the wooden structure.

How the hell could he have missed something this big? Rodney's mind flashed through these past two months, wondering when their romance started. He remembered Elizabeth inviting everyone to dinner that first week or two but after that? Rodney couldn't recall, but there had definitely been no invites the past few times. Come to think of it, that was also about when they started calling each other by their first names. Okay, so about a month - long enough for them to be sleeping together. Rodney knees wobbled, about to give out, but he managed to make it to his desk chair before collapsing.

Rodney didn't know why he found the idea of them so shocking, Elizabeth had been enamored with Sheppard since meeting him. And Sheppard? Well, Elizabeth was beautiful and smart and wonderful... and a man would have to be a fool to say no to her.

Rodney's head fall back against his chair and groaned. He could just picture it: Sheppard big, warm palm curled around Elizabeth's neck, holding her as they kissed. Or, God, her long, pale legs wrapped around Sheppard's jagged hips as he pounded into her willing body again and again.

Rodney swallowed, pushing down the bile that threatened to come up.

What the heck was wrong with him? What should it matter to him what those two did together? They were adults, two consenting adults that could do whatever they pleased. They could go fuck like bunnies for all Rodney cared.

This was fine. Perfectly. Fine.

~ ~ ~ ~

It was late on Friday night, way later than even Rodney usually stayed. Rodney was staving, he hadn't eaten dinner but that didn't matter, he'd done it. Well almost, he just had to double check some equations.

A few minutes later it all checked out (as if there was ever any doubt). He was finished... a whole three weeks before the deadline, ha! Rodney was feeling quite pleased with himself when he heard a noise. He looked up, saw nothing and then looked down at his watch, almost midnight. When he looked up again he might have yelped (a teeny tiny one) when he saw Sheppard standing in his doorway.

Today was the first day Sheppard wore jeans; they rode low on his hips and Rodney found his traitorous eyes staring at them all day, how soft they looked, hugging him in all the right places.

His jacket was off, slung carelessly over one arm and he had rolled up the sleeves of his black shirt. Rodney was failing miserably at not staring... at his arm hair or chest hair, or at any part of John Sheppard, for the matter. Was it asking too much for him to button his stupid collar?

"Hi. Forgot my briefcase." And sure enough, there it was on the floor by one of Rodney's file cabinets. Sheppard leaned down to retrieve it, and as he bent over his jeans stretched, giving Rodney a perfect view of his ass. It wasn't much of one but Rodney couldn't help remembering the first time he'd seen it.

"Oh my god! You do have an ass," he'd shrieked in amazement. John had given him a dirty look before he jumped on Rodney, sending them both crashing onto the bed. Rodney shook his head, trying to clear out the unwanted memory.

Sheppard was just straightening, black shirt falling back down, covering the glimpse of tan skin. Rodney was feeling hot; the heating system must have turned on.

"You're here late," Sheppard commented, facing Rodney now.

"Normally, yes, but I have a good reason. How did you get in here?"

"Security let me in."

"Oh. Well, um, I'm finished," Rodney said, smiling proudly.

"With what?"

Rodney stood up, made his way over to the other man, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet, smile growing. "With my design. It's all ready for you to build."

Sheppard wasn't sharing Rodney's excitement; in fact, Rodney couldn't read his face at all. "That's ah, great," he finally muttered.

"Yes, well it is," Rodney agreed, searching Sheppard's face until it clicked. "You didn't think I could do it." Wow, that hurt more than Rodney was expecting.

"What! No," Sheppard said quickly. "It's just... so soon?"

"Oh. Um... yeah I'm..." Rodney didn't know what to say, he thought Sheppard would be thrilled. Rodney turned around, walked over to his desk, picked up his blueprints and gave them to Sheppard.

Who looked them over for a few minutes before saying, "It looks good." He looked at Rodney then and judging by his next comment Rodney must not be doing a good job of hiding the hurt on his face, "Really. They're incredible."

"Oh, yes. Well of course, this is me we're talking about." Yet Rodney was flushing, becoming redder when Sheppard just kept on studying him.

"I want to offer you a job," Sheppard finally said.

Rodney furrowed his brows in confusion. "I don't understand."

"I want you to come work for me, Rodney. As my chief engineer and researcher." Sheppard's face was blank but his eyes were watching Rodney intently.

Rodney wasn't sure what to say, his earlier good mood falling away. He settled for, "I already have a job."

Sheppard's face hardened and his back straightened. "Don't play dumb with me, McKay, you can't pull it off. It's a better position, twice the salary. You'll have your own office and lab, you won't just be designing, you'll be building too."

Rodney's ears perked up, his own lab? That sounded... rather nice actually. Plus, he missed using his hands for something other than writing. The idea of actually building that cloak and everything else Sheppard's company could offer him was tempting, but one question lingered for him. "Why?"

"You're the best, with you on board AeroTech will reach number one in no time," Sheppard replied easily, returning the designs to Rodney's desk.

"So this is all about beating the competition?" Rodney asked, his hope falling. He was a fool to think Sheppard wanted him for something other than his brain.

"Of course," Sheppard replied quickly. "Well, what do you say?"

_I'm a complete idiot._ For a brief moment Rodney had thought Sheppard might be offering for another reason, but why would he? He had Elizabeth now. Besides even if Sheppard was, Rodney would still say no... wouldn't he?

That's when Rodney realized what this whole undertaking had really been about. It had all been fake, from the very beginning. The fact that Sheppard oversaw the project himself, all those questions he asked, had given him a near impossible task. It had all been a test. He felt his blood begin to boil.

"I can't accept," Rodney said snidely.

He saw something flash in Sheppard eyes, but it was gone in a second. His voice was blank as he asked, "Why?"

"I can't leave Catalyst, they need me too much." It was true, many of their clients stayed because of him. Also, how could he even think about doing that to Elizabeth?

"I'll give you more money, pay the relocation costs."

"It's not about the money!" Rodney roared.

"Don't lie to me," Sheppard snarled, gripping Rodney's shoulders. "It's always about the money."

A small part of Rodney wondered what happened to make Sheppard believe that, but he didn't ask. "It's not, I'm not. What the fuck is wrong with you? Let me go." Rodney struggled but Sheppard only tightened his hold.

Sheppard clenched his jaw, spine more rigid than Rodney'd ever seen it. "I'll triple your salary."

Rodney's face turned red in fury. "I don't want your money!" he screeched.

"Then what do you want?!" Sheppard shouted, appearing exasperated.

"You!" Rodney exclaimed before his brain could stop him.

Sheppard yanked Rodney to him. "I knew it," he whispered coldly into Rodney face before crushing their mouths together. Rodney's body responded instantly, it had been so long. So.Very. Long. His body was craving it, demanding it, aching for it. Sheppard's touch, Sheppard's mouth, Sheppard's _cock_.

Rodney had been waiting ten years for this. He's been imaging this: John kissing him again, holding him again, wanting him again.

But not like this.

Sheppard wasn't giving him an inch. The kiss was cruel; Sheppard's demanding tongue pushing hard into Rodney's mouth, his body firm and unbending against Rodney.

Rodney tensed and pushed back. The kiss turned angry and raw, tongues and teeth clashing, a battle for dominance that he couldn't lose. It was out of control and violent and Rodney was unsure whether he wanted to shove Sheppard away or beg him never to stop.

Rodney slide his hands over Sheppard's back, clawing the skin underneath the thin fabric. Sheppard's callous hands made their own path, down to Rodney's hips and forced him backwards until he hit the large desk.

Rodney grunted from the impact, the top of his desk pressing hard into the back of his thighs, but they didn't stop kissing. Teeth still nipped too harshly, a faint taste of blood, tongues still battling for supremacy.

Sheppard's fingers made quick work of Rodney's pants, drew Rodney's dick out and Rodney gasped, his head involuntary falling back as Sheppard started pumping. Sheppard's mouth lowered to Rodney's exposed throat, teeth scraping along the vulnerable area.

Sheppard's hand continued its assault, exerting just the right amount of pressure, moving at the perfect speed, making sure to hit all the right spots. How the fuck could Sheppard possibly remember how best to jerk him off?

Rodney let out a long, loud moan, relaxing his body minutely, arching his head further back and felt the lifting of Sheppard's lips in a victorious smirk against his neck.

Oh, hell no.

With more strength than Rodney thought he had, he flung Sheppard off and hauled him against the wall, crashing their mouths together again and using his broader shoulders to keep Sheppard immobile.

He fingers flow to Sheppard's fly, felt the wetness there and his hips gave an unconscious jerk. Sheppard's impatient groan had Rodney giving another, and another, his hips snapping back and forth as Sheppard rutted against his thigh. The underside of Rodney's cock was being rubbed almost painfully by the harsh material but it only fueled Rodney's lust.

They grinded and grunted their way to orgasm, Rodney pulsing hot and sticky on both their bellies and - hot damn - he had made Sheppard come in his pants!

The smug grin on Rodney's face evaporated when he realized he was standing there with his flaccid dick hanging out. Hastily, Rodney moved back and turned, shuffling his cock in and zipping up his corduroys. Sheppard came in behind him, hands curling around the sides of Rodney's waist.

"Fuck, that was hot," Sheppard said into Rodney's ear, his cheek nuzzling Rodney's jaw. Rodney's eyes half closed, wanting so bad to lean into the other man's warm body, rest his head on Sheppard's shoulders. "Just think, once you move to Seattle we can do this whenever you want." Rodney's eyes widened. When he moved? He'd never agreed. "Can't wait until I'm back in that gorgeous ass," Sheppard told, squeezing said ass.

Rodney practically jumped away. Was that what this was all about? Sheppard just wanted an ass to fuck? Did Elizabeth not go for butt-fucking? Rodney thought venomously, rage and hurt simultaneously sweeping through him. When would he learn to stop trusting John Sheppard?

Rodney rolled up his blueprints and made sure there was no emotion in his voice when he said, "For the last time - I don't want your job."

When Sheppard didn't reply, Rodney blanked his face and squared his shoulders before turning around.

There was something in Sheppard's eyes that Rodney couldn't read, disappointment maybe? Well, too bad, guess he'll have to find some other chump to fuck. "I want you to leave. For good."

Sheppard searched his face, but he stood firm under the scrutiny, chin lifting. Sheppard eventually grabbed the bundled drawings, shoulders sagging and nodded curtly before leaving.

It was only after Rodney closed the door that he allowed his knees to give out. He slid down to the floor, legs bending until his chin could rest on his knees.

Damn it... and damn you. Damn you, John Sheppard. Damn you to _hell_.

~ ~ ~ ~

That weekend had been a hellish one for Rodney. The more he thought about Sheppard, the angrier he got. He couldn't wait for Monday, for his dealings with Sheppard to come to an end. If he never saw him again, it would be too soon.

When Monday did finally arrive, it wasn't what Rodney was expecting. All morning the office had been abuzz. Apparently there was some big company-wide meeting scheduled for eleven o'clock. No one knew what it was about, but Elizabeth wanted to meet privately with him and Carson before it started.

Rodney was unsurprised to find Sheppard leaning against the wall in Elizabeth's office. She invited him and Carson to take a seat before saying, "I wanted the two of you to know first. As of one hour ago, AeroTech bought Catalyst Consulting."

Rodney gasped. "Elizabeth -"

She put up a hand. "Let me finish Rodney, then we can discuss it." Elizabeth continued on for awhile longer, mainly telling them what a wonderful company AeroTech was and how this was a great opportunity for everyone. Mr. Sheppard had graciously offered everyone at Catalyst a job at twice the salary with all relocation costs paid.

If Rodney was angry at Sheppard before, it was nothing compared to the all-out fury that ran through him now. Rodney knew the majority of his co-workers wouldn't go. They had their families here, their friends, their lives were here. Those people would be out of a job, a damn good one. All because Sheppard just couldn't accept Rodney refusing to work for him. Did Sheppard even care about those people? No, of course not, Rodney thought. He wasn't naive, he understood the only way companies became hugely successful was by eliminating the competition. For Sheppard's company to become number two in U.S., Sheppard must have ruined a lot of other people's lives.

And now? Now he was doing whatever he had to insure his company would be number one. Rodney waited until Elizabeth had finished and looked to him for comment. He smiled at her, not unkindly, before standing and turning to his new boss. "I quit."

He marched out of Elizabeth's office and into his own, grabbing a small shipping box that was laying around from this morning's deliveries and started taking down his diploma's from wall behind his desk.

When there was a knock on his door a few minutes later, he prayed it wasn't Sheppard.

"Rodney," Elizabeth's soft voice came to him.

"No," Rodney said, shaking his head. "Don't Rodney me. How could you do th- how could you let him do this?"

Elizabeth sighed and closed the door. "I didn't _let_ him to anything. I _asked_ him to buy Catalyst."

If Rodney thought he was shocked earlier, it was nothing compared to the way he was completely stunned now. "What? Why?"

Elizabeth looked around Rodney's office for a short time before sitting down. It was then Rodney noticed how worn-out she looked. Dark circles under her eyes, pale cheeks, shoulders scrunched as if she had the weight of the world on them.

"This past year, it's been - even with the AeroTech contract, it's not enough. I - that is..." In all the years he's known her, Rodney's never heard her at a loss for words before. "A couple weeks ago the President called me. He offered me a position. Head of the SGC."

"Wow," Rodney said, plopping down in the chair opposite Elizabeth. "Wow, that's... amazing. I'm happy for you."

"Yeah?" she asked, looking up from the hands in her lap to stare at him.

He nodded. "Of course - wait, you accepted the position, didn't you? You'd have to be crazy not to."

"I-" Elizabeth blinked. "Not officially, but yes, I'm going to."

They shared a look, communicating silently, hopeful and nervous about the future. Saying goodbye.

"That's not all," she said, "you and Carson, the IOA wants you both at the Antarctica base."

Rodney scrunched up his face in distaste. "Is Kavanagh still in charge of the science team?"

"Yes, he is, but Rodney this -"

"I don't care," he interrupted, standing up. "No way I am working with that quack again, least of all under him."

"Believe me, I don't like him very much either."

"Then fire him."

Elizabeth chuckled, getting up and facing Rodney. "I'll see what I can do, but the IOA appointed him, it'll take me time to convince them I know someone much better for the job. Any thoughts on what you're going to do until then? John told me about the position he offered you."

Rodney frowned at the mention of his name. "I'm not working for him," he said, crossing his arms and lifting his chin.

"All right," Elizabeth agreed easily. "There're a lot of engineering firms in Seattle, I'm sure any one of them would love to have you."

"You bet your ass they would," he mumbled, then, "wait, why do you want me to go to Seattle? Why would you want me anywhere near your boyfriend?"

Elizabeth glanced at Rodney for a beat before releasing a quick burst of laughter. "John's not my boyfriend, Rodney. Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Well, he and then... you." Rodney flushed, hands waving about, not thinking very clearly. Not her boyfriend? So they weren't? "The way you sometimes look at him..."

Elizabeth looked down, coughed. "I'll admit maybe in the beginning I - but," she suddenly looked up, meeting Rodney's eyes, "it soon became pretty clear I wasn't the one he wanted."

"What are you saying?" No way was she saying what he thought she was saying.

"I'm saying go to Seattle, Rodney, or better yet, go talk to him right now. He'll be here for a few more hours."

Rodney took a deep breath. "I can't. What if it doesn't - what if he... I can't go through it again." He knew he was fidgeting, but he couldn't help it, looking every which way except at Elizabeth.

"Rodney," she said, placing a gentle palm on his shoulder. "Sometimes you just have to have a little faith."

He rolled his eyes. "You know I'm an atheist."

~ ~ ~ ~

He had no idea what he was doing here, sitting in some rented car in the parking lot adjacent to AeroTech.

How in the hell did he always let Carson talk him into these things?

It had been the night after he had quit, Rodney answering his doorbell and not the least bit surprised to find Carson there, six-pack in hand.

The guy really wasn't so bad, if you don't count his lapse of judgment in picking voodoo for a profession.

"You going to Antarctica?" he asked after they had settled on the couch, TV on low, set on a hockey game that Rodney had been watching but not following, his mind elsewhere.

"Aye," Carson answered frowning. "Haven't told my mum yet, it's so far and she-"

"She'll be fine, Carson, she's a grown woman. What is she, like eighty now?"

"She's sixty-three," he said with a glare at Rodney.

Rodney shrugged, he could hardly be expected to remember random peoples ages.

"What about you, Rodney? What are you going to do?"

He looked down at the top of his beer can. "Still deciding."

They watched the game for a few minutes before Carson turned off the TV. "You look like a lost puppy, did you know that? Heck, you're been walking around with your tail between your legs for weeks now. How about you tell me what's going on, what happened between you and John?"

"Carson," he warned.

"Not this time, Rodney. I've known ye for too long." His accent thickening like it always did when he was upset or angry. "Ye were together once, ye cared about him once, that's as plain as day. Tell me wha' happened. Ye'll nee get rid of me till ye do."

He glared at Carson, Carson glared back before Rodney finally nodded and finished his beer in four huge gulps. He was reaching for another one when he started talking. He told Carson everything, well almost everything, he left out the sex details. When he finished, Carson stared at him for a long moment.

"Nothing's ever simple with you, is it?"

Rodney laughed, unable to help myself. "You going to give me advice or what?"

Carson's eyes were filled with mischief when he said, "And why would I do that, ye've never asked me for it."

"Never stopped you before."

"Point." He took a drink of his beer. He was still working on his first can. The man was such a lightweight. "You won't like it though."

"I repeat: never stopped you before."

Carson shifted, broadening out his shoulders like he was preparing himself for battle. "All right then, you need to see him again, talk to him. Tell him everything that you just told me."

Rodney felt his mouth curving downwards. "You're right, I don't like it."

"You need closure. It's obvious you never got over him." Rodney opened his mouth, about to contradict his friend, when Carson hushed him and continued, "You just think you have. You've buried your feelings so far deep inside you that it was easy to pretend they weren't there. But you should've done the opposite."

"The opposite?"

"Aye, let them go." Carson said it so simply, so straight-forward, as if it was the easiest thing in the world to do.

Yeah right.

"And how am I supposed to do that?" Rodney asked.

"By talking with John."

So here he was, two weeks later. For the past twenty minutes he had reached for the door handle repeatedly only to pull his hand away. With a huff of disgust at himself, he opened the door, vowing to never listen to Carson again when he got back to Chicago.

He walked the short distance to the entrance and took a couple of steps before a sharp-eyed, muscular man blocked his path.

"Er...hi. I'm, uh, Doctor Rodney McKay," he squeaked out. The man's face was set in a deep scowl, his badge read: Eugene Bates, head of security.

"What's are you-" Bates started to say but was interrupted by a loud, "Rodney?"

It was Radek, thank god.

He'd never been happier to see Radek in his life. "Yes, yes, here I am. Just like you asked me to," Rodney answered as Radek made his way over to them.

"I asked you to?" Radek echoed, disbelief in his voice.

Rodney glared at him, "Yes. Don't you remember, you wanted my help, practically begged for my assistance."

"I did no such thi- " but Radek didn't finish as Rodney's eyes pleaded with him. Instead, "Tebe být zavázán mne dobrý...Oh, of course, help with the, the eh..."

"Yes, yes. Well we should be going," Rodney said quickly grabbing Radek's arms and walking toward the elevators. It seemed like Radek was a worse liar than he was.

"I'm watching you, McKay," Bates threatened as Rodney got into the elevator.

"What are you really doing here?" Radek asked once the elevator doors closed.

"I need to see Sheppard," Rodney answered hoping that would be enough to satisfy Radek. Of course it wasn't.

"Why?"

"None of your business. Look will you just show me where his office is?" Rodney barked.

Radek took a deep breath, studied Rodney for a long moment, and then pushed the button to the top floor.

"Thank you," Rodney mumbled.

Radek nodded and when the doors pinged open he said, "Last door down the hallway, you can't miss it."

With a last look at Radek, Rodney walked out, stopping when he stood in front of two wide wooden doors.

Rodney swallowed and straightened his shoulders before reaching for the handle and pushing one door open. He stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

Sheppard's office was huge, although it didn't have a lot in it: a couch on one side of it, a couple of filling cabinets, two chairs in front of a massive wooden desk with floor to ceiling windows behind it. Sheppard's desk wasn't much better, a laptop, a few pieces of paper, and a - no, it couldn't be - Rodney quickly assured himself that they were plenty of green travel mugs in the world.

Even ones that have the logo of the Canadian Space Agency on it, half rubbed off but still visible. There is absolutely no way Sheppard would have kept the thing, not after so long.

Rodney looked at the man sitting behind that desk. He was wearing a light blue button up shirt, collar unbuttoned, sleeves rolled up to just below the elbow, leaning back in his chair, smirking at Rodney.

"Finally come to your senses?" Sheppard asked coldly.

It was the cruel smile, the harshness in Sheppard's face, the 'oh-so-casual' slouch, the condescending attitude that set Rodney off. All his anger came rushing back to him, all-out rage slamming through his body. He positively _loathed_ John Sheppard.

"I didn't come here for the job," he remarked, his voice equally as callous. "Jesus Christ Sheppard, you're the biggest asshole I've ever met! You go around pretending to be Mr. Nice Guy, all smiles, but it's all an act, you're ruthless and manipulative." He couldn't stop the words from coming out, he didn't want to. It was the truth, and it felt damn good to say them to Sheppard's face.

"I hate you, Sheppard, I don't want to work for you, I don't want you at all." He should leave right now, just walk out the door and never come back but he couldn't keep his damn mouth shut. "I want my John back."

_Fuck._ He hadn't meant to say that.

The words hang in the air, Sheppard deathly still, a gobsmacked expression on his face.

Rodney thought he probably didn't look much better himself.

Sheppard rose out his chair slowly. "You always had him," he said slowly, carefully.

"Oh please," Rodney said, not buying it. "I saw you that night at the bar, saw you with that redhead, kissing her."

"Nothing happened. It was just one kiss, besides I wasn't the one that cheated first. Tell me something McKay, did you wait at all?" he asked, advancing toward Rodney, his face turning cold again. "Or were you off fucking some woman the second I left your door?"

"_You bastard_. How dare you? I thought about you every day. Every fucking day. Plotting how I could get you assigned to Area 51, fantasizing about-" Rodney stopped abruptly, not wanting to tell Sheppard how truly pathetic he'd been. That he'd read everything he could find on gay sex, practiced on bananas until he could swallow without choking, waiting for the day John returned so he could fall to his knees and give him a proper blow job, not the few lame attempts of before.

Sheppard let out a disbelieving snort. "You sure had a funny way of showing it then."

"What are you talking about?!" Rodney was the injured party here. Sheppard raised his hand, looking like he wanted nothing more than to strangle Rodney, but settled instead, the arm falling away. His whole body seemed to deflate as he went to his window and looked out. He took a deep breath, his back to Rodney.

"What else was I supposed to think?" Rodney strained to hear Sheppard's words, but he didn't move closer. "You were hardly writing to me anymore, what you did send was - it was all about... Sam Carter," Sheppard said her name disdainfully, like a curse. "I messed up. I was trying to - I watched... I called you the second I came back, left a message, almost beg- you didn't come."

Oh God, he hadn't known, he hadn't even thought. Rodney's head was swimming, trying to process the new information. "I never got your message," he said, but Sheppard didn't seem to hear him, lost in his own memories.

Rodney noticed that Sheppard's whole body was slumped, his head down, resting against the glass, as if all the fight had gone out of him. Rodney couldn't help closing the distance between them, but when he was only a foot away, he paused.

"I didn't get that message, my cat she broke the machine before I came home. I would - nothing would've kept me away," Rodney's words were almost like a plea for Shep- no John, it was John, he would always be John - to hear.

John's shoulders stiffened. "Bullshit, McKay. I heard all about the two of you at Peterson, I went to her talk, saw the way you looked at her, saw you having dinner with her. You couldn't take your damn eyes off her."

Rodney shook his head, John had it all wrong. Rodney was terrified of messing this up, he's never been good with people, but he couldn't help moving his hand to John's shoulder - which was the wrong thing to do.

John had him pinned against the wall in a heartbeat, knocking the breath out of Rodney's lungs, his hands holding Rodney's wrists on either side of Rodney's head. "What, McKay? You gonna tell me it wasn't true, that I imagined it all," he snarled, breath hot against Rodney's face.

"Yes! You fucking moron." Okay, so maybe calling John a moron right now wasn't the smartest thing Rodney'd ever done, but he wasn't taking it back. He had to get through that thick skull. "I never got your message. Sam and I are friends, that's all. I never wanted her, never wanted anyone, not like I want you."

Rodney looked into John's eyes then, his anger gone replaced by so many other emotions that Rodney couldn't recognize them all. Rodney saw torment in their golden green depths and that had Rodney's insides churning.

"John," he said, "I've waited ten years for you."

"Jesus," John muttered before closing the distance between them.

The instant John lips touched his it was like liquid fire poured from him to Rodney. Heat licked at Rodney, scorched him, consumed him. Rodney melted against John, reveling at each swipe of John's warm tongue against his.

John's scent filled Rodney's nostrils - he smelled like _home_. Rodney's hands crept up around John's neck, his fingers sliding into the silky thickness of John's hair.

When John's lips abandoned his, Rodney moaned in protest, until the drag of Sheppard's tongue down the length of his neck transformed the sound to one of pleasure. He clutched John's head, urging him on, tilting his own head.

John's hands grabbed the bottom of Rodney's shirt, pulling it up. Rodney took a deep breath, sucking in his gut before raising his arms, letting it out when he saw only desire in John's eyes.

His fingers went to unbutton John's shirt and then tugged it off, only to gape at John's chest - muscled, tanned skin covered by wisps of dark curls, just the beginning of a rounded belly. He couldn't resist combing his fingers through the fine hair.

John's lips were on his again, his hands unzipping Rodney's pants, causing Rodney's breath to hitch. John broke away, bending to remove Rodney's shoes, socks, not stopping until he had Rodney completely naked. Rodney shivered, goosebumps covering his skin, whether it was from the chilly air or the intensity of John's eyes, he wasn't sure.

"John," Rodney whined.

John brushed his lips against Rodney's. "Get on the couch."

Rodney eyed the couch. It did look big and soft... and expensive. He grinned and made his way over, wondering if after this they would both have a kink for office sex. Made they already had one. He laid down and watched as John finished undressing. Still no tan lines, Rodney thought in amazement.

John strode over to the him, cock jutting out proudly. Rodney's mouth began to water.

John crawled over Rodney, kneeling between Rodney's legs, eyes sweeping over Rodney's body.

Rodney wrapped his legs around John's thighs, forcing John down. They both moaned at the first touch of skin against skin.

"Feels so good," John said huskily. He nibbled on Rodney's ear and Rodney made a purring noise. John made his way down to Rodney's neck, a hint of stubble scratching wonderfully at Rodney's skin.

Rodney felt like his body was kindling and John his match. Lying dormant, just waiting to be set fire to, only needing the lightest contact before every cell was ablaze.

John's mouth latched onto Rodney's neck, kissing, licking, biting. It was almost more than Rodney could handle, his hands pawing at John's shoulders. John reached out and stroked the rough pad of his thumb across the sensitive flesh of Rodney's nipple. A wave of pleasure rippled through Rodney, making him want more. His hands pushed down.

John lips abandoned Rodney's neck and trailed lower. His wet tongue dragged once, twice, three times against Rodney's nipple. Rodney moaned, couldn't stop from squirming when John started to suckle. This was nice, very nice actually, but it wasn't where he wanted John's mouth.

"John," he whined.

John let go, he rested more of his weight on Rodney, curled his hands around Rodney's, locking their fingers together and moving them to either side of Rodney's head.

John looked down at Rodney's face, breathing rough. Then something flashed in John eyes, need and desire so strong that Rodney's body went lax. John grunted and plunged his mouth down to Rodney's. He kissed him savagely, hands tightening around Rodney's.

Much too soon, one of John's hands let go. Rodney whined into the kiss, wanting it back. John's mouth lifted. "You'll like this," he guaranteed as he raised his chest up, taking the hand that was still entwined with Rodney's and bringing it to their groins. He lined their cocks up and wrapped Rodney's hand around their erections. John's hand covered Rodney's, leading him up and down, guiding him to spread out their combined pre-come.

Rodney saw his thicker pale hand under John's thinner, darker one, the contrast of color seeming to hypnotize him. He watched as they moved up and down over and over again, their pre-come mixing together.

John's name ran through Rodney's mind, an endless loop until John became the sole focus of Rodney's world. Nothing else existed, only John, surrounding him, engulfing him.

Rodney forced his eyes away, staring at the ceiling and hoping it would cool him down. It didn't work, having John with him, touching him, only made him burn hotter, ready to combust any second.

"John!" Rodney cried out as he erupted; back arching, cock spasming, coming over both their hands and abdomens.

John stiffened above him, adding to the mess on Rodney's stomach.

John collapsed on Rodney, but Rodney didn't mind. He didn't want to move, didn't want either of them to move, he wanted to stay like this, just the two of them, all day.

Neither of them said anything for a long time. Finally Rodney asked, "What happens now?"

"Whatever you want," John said, his face open yet tentative before lowering to rest on Rodney's shoulder.

He ran a hand down John's sweaty back, thinking it over, but the answer was simple. "I want you," he rasped and felt John smile against his skin .

Maybe there was something to this faith thing after all.


End file.
